Untangling

This one is going to take some time to untangle.

I consider myself a healthy human. I don’t eat refined sugar, I am active and aware of my body’s needs and regularly try to meet them.

And yet, it seems that pregnancy remains a challenge for my body. This last one, a thorough schooling.

Before I explain further, I want to start by saying that I think the birth world is very fear based. Some recommended treatments are for just-in-case scenarios that have a rather low percentage of actually happening. While I can see why extra precautions feel important, I do wish the stats were provided to each birthing person to make their own choices.

I ensured I had those stats this last pregnancy. I even had some stats from other countries to compare how recommendations may differ. I was ready.

And yet, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I tried everything natural - and I mean EVERYTHING, to keep my numbers in check. I knew that one of the reasons medication is suggested for GD is to avoid a baby over 8.5 pounds (GD has a small chance of causing big babies and big babies have a small chance of causing harder births). I believe in the body’s ability to birth so my baby’s size wasn’t a major concern for me. And yet, when I couldn’t get my numbers down, I surrendered to using insulin.

I was also diagnosed with gestational hypertension. Again, I tried everything to bring those numbers down. From exercise, to bed rest, to no salt, to breath work and meditation, and the highly regarded Brewers Diet for pregnancy (known to prevent all kinds of pregnancy risks including hypertension, by increasing protein, calories and salt). I followed the diet so strictly that I gained a huge amount of weight. I even turned down medication so I could try the “emergency protocol” of this diet, which was, wait for it… an egg and a glass of milk hourly for 3 days. It sounds absolutely crazy now but I assure you, thousands of women fix their gestational issues holistically with this diet. (Please don’t ask me how - I invite you to do your own research if you’re curious. I can however, point you to where to look). In the end, I surrendered to needing medication.

I prefer all natural and yet, I chose an induction. Yes, chose.

I began with natural induction techniques. I had two midwives, and an OB that advised against this but I couldn’t bear to be pregnant for much longer. I begged acupuncturists to help things along. They refused.

At 35 weeks I was 2cm dilated with regular, pain free contractions. The OB said they’d likely “see you tomorrow!”

At 36 weeks I was 3 cm dilated with regular, pain free contractions and begged the OB to induce me. They refused.

At 36.5 I was 4cm dialated with regular, pain free contractions. After more bloodwork they offered an induction as my kidneys were showing signs of stress. I cried with relief.

I had known for a long time that things weren’t right but nothing was medically wrong enough until that moment.

The experience of this pregnancy is still integrating. Why was I not able to fix these gestational issues myself? How is it that I fit into the small pool of risks? What am I to take from this?

Or as I like to say, what is my medicine here?

I am still asking myself this question, but I’m also answering it daily:

* Trust your inner wisdom. I knew early on that something wasn’t right even though all tests showed normal. But time revealed what I knew to be true.

* Progress can’t always be seen. Sometimes we try REAL HARD and don’t quite see a shift. Know that things are still happening beneath the surface. No energy is wasted.

* It’s ok to reevaluate your values. In fact, I recommend it! In some scenarios, new values may be needed and surrendering to change becomes the work we need to do.

* Yes, surrender. It’s a breath of fresh air amidst the go-go-go we experience daily.

* Ask for support! In this case, sisterhood and my partner didn’t just have my back… they also had my belly. No one is meant to do life alone.

* Prepare yourself. Life doesn’t always go as planned but WE CAN prepare ourselves. Are you doing your inner work? Do you have ways to stabilize yourself or exercises to bring you calm amidst a storm?

As a soul coach, my inner work was everything in this experience. It helped me stay grounded in the eye of the storm. Without it, my birth story may have looked very different…

If you’re struggling with the surprises life throws, I’ve got tools that’ll guide you onto your best path so you too, can decode ‘what’s my medicine?’. Reach out to me here.

How To Rewire Your Brain And What Happens If You Don’t…

Ok so we're still in the science realm of things, but don't you forget that I'll always keep it cool with a healthy drink of soulful tidbits.

We're talkin' about the science of neural plasticity and how your brain can be rewired to change (no surgery required!). We're also talking about how that brain of yours is biased to look for what's negative (called Negativity Bias). This, of course, can influence your motivation to achieve goals and that's where my jaw drops - every time - with fascination.

In order to work with your brain to achieve your goals, we need to begin with dreaming.

Get clear on the question of "what do I want?" and then write exactly what you desire in life OK?

Now, because we are wired to look for the negative, we tend to avoid changing our desires into actual goals. Why? Because goals require work and we're more likely to see what we'll lose when we do that work, verses what we'll gain when our desire is manifested.

So to get beyond the dreaming step we have to write our desire into a goal. Go ahead and do that.

(Side note: I used to avoid the word "goal" because I thought it was too intense. I felt too much pressure to do it when I called it a goal, so I'd call it an "intention" instead. Today I can see that that was a way to back out of something I really wanted because of fear.)

With your goal in mind, check in on all the mind stories that arise around it, (such as "I'm not skilled enough" or "I'll never be able to do this") and STOP THEM. This is called negative self talk and it's just not helpful. Instead of fixating on these things, consider what you have learned and how you might apply that in the future.

How you talk to yourself about goals plays a large role in IF you will manifest them. 

When you find yourself interpreting your goal in a negative way, or only focusing on the challenging aspect of the situation (ex: "I don't have enough time"), look for ways to reframe it in a more positive light. This doesn’t mean ignoring potential dangers or wearing rose-colored glasses— no spiritual bypassing for us! It simply means refocusing so that you give equal weight to good aspects of it.

One of my favourite practices is something I call a "Pattern Interrupt" and it works like this: 

When I find myself ruminating on things, I do a little somethin' that'll shake things up. Sometimes this means hanging upside down off the couch, and other times it means a solo dance party (here's a great song I use for the occasion) but basically, you want to STOP those thoughts by way of changing your environment or your body position in a major way.  

One last simple yet profound way we can rewire our brains and work in the technical terminology of "neural plasticity" is gratitude. Gratitude has us savouring the positive moments and because it takes more for positive experiences to be remembered than negative, it's important to give extra attention to that sweet stuff.

What happens if we don't rewire our brains?

Well darlin'... life simply stays exactly as it is and your deep personal evolution is likely paused. Sure, you can still get healthier and stronger and even tend a better garden, but it's unlikely you'll experience major moments of growth and even, moments of feeling deeply connected to Why-The-Heck-You're-Here-Doing-This-Work-In-The-First-Place (aka The Great Mystery / God / Goddess / The One / Source / The Divine).

And if you're interested in diving into more of this and what it can mean for your personal life, your relationships and your inner aliveness, check out my 3 month Soul Coaching Program for women called Unleash Your Legacy. In it, we completely rewire your brain, do a soul retrieval, find your true calling, and step into your future in a way you might’ve never thought possible.

Nerd Alert! Neural Plasticity & You

I'm comin' at ya today with a bit of science - but if you're anything like me, you'll be fascinated with the facts and curious about the possibility that lies ahead...

Did you know that your brain is wired to dwell on negative events more than positive ones?!

It's called negativity bias and it means we feel the sting of an insult way more than we feel the joy of a compliment. It's also why we're more likely to stew on the trauma than the beautiful moments we're presented with daily.

It's the times when we can't sleep and we're stuck contemplating that time we forgot deodorant... and it showed (*ahem* smelled). Or the time we thought we were doing good parenting by teaching our kid to use a lighter and realized we can never, ever, take that lesson back... 

Historically, paying attention to what was bad and dangerous is what kept us alive. Those who were more attuned to danger were more likely to survive. This meant they were also more likely to hand down the genes that made them more attentive to danger.

...and we've got those genes!

Here's where it gets real interesting...

Negativity bias can play a role in your motivation to pursue a goal.

Rather than focusing on what you will gain if you work towards your goal, you're more likely to dwell on what you might lose in order to achieve that goal. As in, you want somethin' but know it'll take some work, so you step back thinking "I don't want to do this work and lose my Friday evenings" (even if the goal would create more free time in the end).

Back to what I touched on last week (read it here if you like)...

Our brains are entirely malleable.

Sure, they’ll always be a tad bit inclined towards seeking out things that are dangerous (thank you, survival mechanism) but you are completely capable of rewiring that bias.

It’s called neural plasticity and it works best when you create new stories to rewrite your old stories. The book "The Brain That Changes Itself" is a great reference for more on this phenomenon, but to summarize, you can change your brain!

I've helped many women make this leap in my Unleash Your Legacy Program and it all comes down to dedication, desire and leaning into support. You can get a gym membership, but if you don't go and actually workout, you simply won't see the change you desire. 

Will it mean you'll need to try walking barefoot on hot coals to truly see your power?

No.  (Although that was a great experience! More on that in a future email...)

It starts with a desire to create a change in our story. 

So go ahead and take that first step... dream up all of your desires and get clear on what changes you'd like to make. Don't let Negativity Bias get in your way amidst this dreaming. Instead, stay with "what do I want?" until a clear answer surfaces and then write down your desires.

Tune in next week to find out the next step with this neural plasticity stuff ok? And in the meantime, if you’d like to work directly with me on rewiring your brain, connect with me!

It’s Just A Story OK?!

I want to talk about the human experience. You know, this sensory-filled experience with all kinds of feels. In spiritual traditions around the world, teachers are held in high regard for the work they’ve done to transcend the human experience and the ego.

But they are still human.

And we are kidding ourselves if we think we can escape this human experience by transcending it. The real work here - as humans - is to be human (it’s not all that surprising is it?).

That means embracing all the parts of us including our shadows, pain and our gifts. All of these traits are what makes you, well..... you.

Embracing our humanity is a fast-track way towards deep learning and deep Love (don't even get me started on the word "sin" and how it has us pushing pieces of ourselves away vs. embracing them! More on that in a future email...).

To be clear, I’m not suggesting you should be grateful for every moment. No... that would simplify the depth of your experience and quite possibly encourage you to bypass your suffering (heard of spiritual bypassing?). The human experience includes suffering - it’s part of life. But what’s worth really looking at, is how you have responded to your life and to your suffering... because these responses create your story. Your big story…  you know… your life story. 

One of the things we do as humans is storify - which is my made-up word (yup) to explain how we use our stories to create our identity. Stories are really important to us (we are literally fed stories instead of milk in the weaning process) and the stories we tell ourselves create a big slice of our reality.

Here's where we have some wiggle room in this storifying habit:

It’s not about what happened in your life, but instead, how do you integrate/translate it?

What stories do you tell most often (inside your head or outside - both ways have an effect) and how do these stories define you?

Our stories are a way to tell our brains (and in turn our bodies) what our reality is. Do you know what the coolest thing about these crazy brains of ours is?

They’re totally changeable (!!)... So if we change our stories, we change our brain and our reality.(Whoa right?!)

Does this sound like a simple way to create change?  

It can be. 

It just doesn't happen overnight. To change deeply set stories we need deep reflection, time and most of all, external support, so we can identify when a story is showing up in sneaky ways (because when it's our story, we don't always see it).

Stay tuned for the next post with more on our brain's inner workings and how to create the change that you desire. Hint - it's called neural plasticity.

In the meantime, if you need support doing your version of human, I'm here for it. Connect and let me know what you struggle with in your stories.

Why Crying Is A Revolutionary Act

Last week was the anniversary of my Father's passing. For those of you who know about grief... it's a weird and unpredictable thing isn't it?

Because sheesh, after 16 years, I unlocked a new layer of sadness last week.

And it felt good - even tho I was bawling my eyes out.

Are you thinkin' I'm totally losing it?! How can grief and crying feel good?

Just so we're clear, I'm not losing it... or maybe I am. But you know, there's a huge stigma around 'losin' it' isn't there? How many times have you heard "stop crying"? Or thought "she must be a little... off" when seeing someone break down in public?

The truth is, we actually NEED to lose it once in a while.

Big feelings are absolutely normal ok?! And no, you don't need to "stop crying" as many of our parents previously thought. Sadness is a way to get in touch with what's really alive in you...

Last week's tears had me in touch with a part of myself that I had hidden away. After the cry, I felt ALIVE again. I felt as though my connection to memories of my long passed Father had deepened and that I could move forward in a new way.

Cue deep exhale...

Feeling your emotions is a revolutionary act when our society prides itself on "getting things done." Up against this patriarchal view, giving yourself time to feel is considered a 'waste of time' and totally unproductive. But that "don't cry" saying is old school and has no place in my home or in my body because I know that crying is a profound act that transforms and brings a whole lot of clarity.

Your feelings are what reveal your deepest truth.

But you know what else crying does? It opens your ability to feel more joy.

Feelings exist on a spectrum of sorts. It works sorta like this:

If we open to this much sadness, ➡️| |⬅️ that's how much joy we can experience too.

If we open to this much sadness, ➡️| |⬅️ then that much joy will follow.

It's astounding really... big cries can open big joy.

Seems a bit of a no brainer right? Like... let's dive in right now shall we?!

But it's not always that simple. You need to create a space where you feel safe to release... a space to be your whole self in... a place where all parts of you are welcomed. In this place no one will tell you to stop crying but also, no one will judge you for it either.

Do you have a place like that? Or maybe you've got a slice of time where you're home alone for that?

I invite you to make a date with yourself for a good, solid cry. It's one of my personal practices and it pays off every time. Sometimes I need a sad movie to get things rolling but other times, a song will do.

Every single time, I feel ALIVE and clear afterwards.

My feelings tell me my next best step forward. Feelings can't lie but sometimes we need help deciphering the message.

Do you need someone in your corner reminding you that it's ok to cry?

That it's ok to feel and crumble and lose it every now and again?

Do you need someone reminding you that it's ok to be human?

If these words ring a silent (or loud) bell within, let's talk. I'm here for it.

Learn Your Biggest Life Lessons With This Simple Math...

Numerology is one of those amazing systems that not many people know about. Often, when I'm doing a numerology reading for a client they either begin laughing or tearing up because of the accuracy of what I'm sharing with them.

It's a system based on your birth date but can also reveal patterns based on your birth name, as well as predict your next nine years by sharing what years are best for moving house, having a family or even, gettin' down to business.

Your "lifepath number" is just one piece of the big numerology pie, but it's also a super handy piece to have (for those of you who are into astrology is a little like knowing your sun sign, but not knowing the rest of your planets). If you're new to this, you've got a huge possibility to learn a lot about yourself because every month, I giving away ONE FREE numerology session to someone on my email list. To win, you just have to be the first to reply to the email. If you want a chance to win, you can register your email address here.

But until then, I want to gift you the simple calculations for how to reveal your own life path number - because it's a great number to know! Your lifepath number reveals what you most need to learn in this life - which sure is helpful if you're ever feeling stuck. I'm all for self-discovery over here!

Here's how it works:

In numerology, all numbers are broken down into a single digit between 1-9 as they're considered the root numbers (there are 3 rare exceptions to that rule, which are 11, 22, and 33 - we don't break those down).

Convert the day and month you were born to a single number. For example, December 16th, 1983 converts like this:

The day, 16 = 1 + 6 = 7.

Then the month: December 12 = 1 + 2 = 3.

Then the birth year: 1983 → 1 + 9 + 8 + 3 = 21 = 2 + 1 = 3. We then add together those three final digits: 7 + 3 + 3 = 13 = 1 + 3 = 4.
4 is the Life Path Number for someone born on December 16th, 1983.

Once you calculate your life path number, read below based on which number you landed on. BUT, if you happen to get numbers 11, 22, or 33 - don't break those down ok? Email me to get a special bit of information. They're considered Master Numbers and are quite rare!

Now remember, a life path number is all about what lessons you most need to learn in this life. Sometimes this means what you'll read below totally resonates and you understand it. Other times, it means you need to learn about what you're reading by stepping into that energy. Hit contact if you've got any questions!

1: 

Individuality, leadership, originality, ambition, independence, innovation, sexuality.

Usually, 1’s are self-directed, a paradigm buster, assertive, energetic, and follow internal guidance. 

For 1’s, self-esteem is often the main hurdle to overcome. They must learn to stand on their own and not let others define their identity or make their decisions. Lack of self-esteem can sometimes lead to arrogance, bullying, or judgements of others. Lack of self-esteem can also lead to being timid, passive, and often times fearful of what others might think.

1 must remember that although it is first, it can very quickly become the loneliest number. Even the most autonomous 1s need the support of their friends, family, and lovers.

2:

Relationships, cooperation, teamwork, friendship, sensitivity, intimacy, and mediation/harmony.

Usually, 2’s are friendly, agreeable and cooperative, although they can be on the sensitive side. 2’s are often considered “oh-so-nice.” 

Within numerology, the 2 vibration assumes the role of the mediator, creating harmony by bringing together dissonant forces through compassion, empathy, and kindness. 2 is linked to psychic abilities and intuition, and if this number appears as a Life Path number, the individual will be astute to subtle energy shifts and emotional nuances. Because 2 is so sensitive, it is very conflict averse, and can end up feeling under-appreciated or unacknowledged. 2 must avoid seeking external validation and, instead, realize that everything is already within.

3:

Creativity, artistic endeavours, optimism, self-empowerment, balance and harmony, love and beauty, sociability, happiness, joy and the ability to express. 3’s are charismatic, charming, intelligent, and like to laugh. They are visionaries and often love music. Communication is paramount for 3. 3 is highly gifted at expression, seamlessly sharing innovative and pioneering concepts through art, writing, and oration.

However, 3 is also known to be quite moody, and if 3 feels misunderstood, may withdraw entirely. They are challenged with being unforgiving, scattered, exaggerating, and having feelings of inferiority. They can often leave things unfinished and may be overly concerned about being judged. The escapist tendencies of 3 are easily mitigated by practicing mindfulness: it’s important for 3 to find moments of quiet to reset, restore, and recharge.

4:

In numerology, 4 has an earthy-energy and is centered around fortifying its roots. 4 adamantly believes in the physical world, and knows that investing in a solid infrastructure is necessary for building a lasting legacy. Practical, hardworking, and responsible, the 4 vibration is focused on creating logical systems that can support scalable growth.

There is a solidity to 4, however, that can quickly devolve into rigidity; 4 must remember that rules are meant to enhance, not inhibit. It’s easy for 4 to become stubborn, so 4 benefits from learning to loosen up and think outside-the-box. 4 will feel liberated and inspired by finding the bravery to take a few bold risks.

4's can be stuck 'within 4 walls' or they can use those walls as a foundation to build an empire.

5:

Freedom, communication, challenge, adventure, initiating change, travel, fun, multi-talented… and possible addictions. 

Free-thinking, adventurous, and progressive, 5 is defined by freedom. 5 needs to experience the world by engaging its five senses. For 5, life lessons are acquired through spontaneous acts of bravery. 5 is known for its playful, impulsive, and vivacious spirit.

On the other side, 5 can become restless and impatient. Since 5 is always seeking discovery, it has a difficult time accepting life’s day-to-day responsibilities — including professional and interpersonal commitments. 5 must remember that when it narrows its gaze, it will discover that the most rewarding exploration exists in its own backyard.

6:

6 is recognized for its nurturing, supportive, and empathic nature. A true healer, 6 has the ability to problem solve in both the emotional and physical realms, helping others through its straightforward, yet gentle, approach. 6 has a strong sense of responsibility, and cares deeply for its friends, family, and lovers.

But not everything needs to be parented, and sometimes 6’s protective energy can become domineering and controlling. To avoid carrying the world on its shoulders, 6 must learn to build trust and understanding for others. Simply put, everyone must follow their own unique path.

6’s like to be the “cosmic mother or father.” They are generous, supportive, wise, and want justice and equality within the world.

Their challenge is to learn to accept responsibility, first for themselves, and then to responsibly be in service to family and community. “Don’t be an emotional buffer for others” says Michael Brill. 6's need to ease out of their perfectionistic tendencies.

7: 

Spiritual growth and self-awareness, intuition, analysis, overcoming negativity, and understanding their life’s purpose. 7’s are psychic, trusting, introspective, empathic, open, patient, and can see all sides of an issue. 

They are challenged by fearfulness, distrust, a need to be needed, being emotionally closed, codependent and controlling. They can be uncompromising in pursuit of their beliefs and sometimes, they may feel they are another’s savior.

7's are known as the detectives of numerology for its investigative abilities and analytical skills. 7 is extremely detail-oriented, but is driven by inner-wisdom as opposed to tangible realities. 7 has a keen eye, and its astute observations fuel a quick-witted, inventive spirit. Because it can quickly find the flaws in almost any system, 7 is a bit of a perfectionist.

8:

Money, business and power, passion, self-worth, financial success and rewards. They like to be in charge, a leader who makes it happen - an 8 orchestrates.

8 is all about abundance. Within numerology, this number is linked to material wealth and financial success. Ambitious and goal-oriented, 8 can effortlessly assume leadership positions through its natural magnetism. 8 applies big-picture thinking to broaden its scope, racing up the top of any ladder to reach extraordinary heights. But with great power comes great responsibility: 8 breeds workaholics, and on a bad day, can become excessively controlling and possessive. However, its negative qualities can be lessened by giving back to the community. By using their success to help others, 8 realizes that there is nothing more valuable than contributing to the greater good.

For 8’s, challenges are that they can become easily frustrated, dictatorial, stubborn, materialistic, demands recognition, mean, fearful of using personal power, can be disloyal if they feels ignored.

9:

As the final single digit within numerology, 9 connotes an old soul. 9 is no stranger to life’s ups-and-downs of life — been there, done that. Accordingly, 9 can effortlessly synthesize large quantities of stimuli, psychically connecting the dots to form a cohesive whole. The mission for 9 is to reach its highest state of consciousness, and to help others also achieve this spiritual awareness. 9 isn’t afraid to transform, and its malleable spirit inspires others to explore their own ranges of motion. 9 must learn to balance the abstract with the tangible, ultimately finding its place at the intersection of fantasy and reality.

9’s are selfless, love unconditionally, compassionate, love long distance travel, work to raise the level of self awareness on the planet, have let go of ego issues and embraced the higher Self. They are challenged by being egotistical, needing recognition, can be fearful of showing any emotion, can be emotionally isolated, can hold emotions for / of others.

Enjoy!!

And if you’d like to learn even more, grab Michael Brill’s book “Numerology for Healing” - I adore his interpretations and have used some of his information for the number here.

Why Pleasure Is Better Than Comfort

You know that feeling of being caught in the grind? The monotony of completing the same tasks daily, and even weekly...

Where the weekend doesn't feel like a weekend and time to yourself feels stolen as it's forced between errands...

That feeling is suffocating.

And your to-do list is like poison if you've only got 'need-to-do' tasks on there. It's one of the reasons we as humans often choose quick comfort over the gain of long-term goals (*ahem* choosing the couch over exercise! Even though we want to feel healthy and strong, we are addicted to comfort). Comfort is great... don't get me wrong. I highly recommend it! However, something major happens when you choose pleasure as your go-to instead of simply falling into comfort. 

Pleasure is something we've overlooked for a long, long time. It gets lost in the to-do list, put away for "another time", and is often placed alongside the things we experienced as a child.

We've got it all wrong.

Pleasure is a need.  

Pleasure feeds you like nothing else can. It's choosing your joy in a society that teaches the opposite.

When we choose pleasure, it shifts our whole being into a feeling of satisfaction with life. It's not a long lost dream and it's not just for children. You don't even have to go far to find it - it's waiting for you right here.​

Pleasure is what invites some wild into your life. It's where you get to be unpredictable and unleash pent up energy from stress. It's also where you unleash a piece of who you truly are instead of acting on someone else's expectations. It's listening to your Heart and saying "YES!" to what you love.

And it's simple!

But we may need to relearn how to choose it because, in choosing it, we are choosing ourselves (and we've often been taught otherwise). It can be as simple as a dance party at home or sleeping under the stars when your bed is inside just a few feet away. It's going for a cold dip or dancing in the rain (we've got a lot of rain comin' in Ontario!). 

It's choosing what feeds your soul.

So let me ask you... when was the last time you broke your to-do list for more than just comfort? When was the last time you chose pleasure?

My three month Program Unleash Your Legacy works directly on helping you carve a new way forward that feels right. This way forward will invite a deep remembering of who you truly are, and will ask you to something daringly different:

Choose yourself.

If your curiosity is sparked and you want to learn more about your future, click here. In the meantime, find moments of pleasure and create a little more wildness in your life ok?

Why You NEED Imagination In Your Life...

I spent the weekend teaching at a yoga teacher training program... but I wasn't teaching yoga. It wasn't a mistake either - I get paid to do this!

But what on earth was I teaching?

I was teaching people how to discover who they truly are, and then, how to bring that forward to the world.

This isn't something that comes easily for people! There's layers and layers of 'should's' and fears that hold you back from being 100%... YOU. 

You see, most people are feeling like there's something more in this life but can't quite put a finger on what that is...

D'ya know what I mean?

I've got a lot to say on this topic but one thing that stands out is that the saying "fake it till you make it" actually works. Imagination (the "fake it" part) is a powerful tool that's so often overlooked and as it turns out, I'm not the only one who thinks so. Check out what Einstein had to say about it:

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions."

Transformation begins with your imagination and it's from that magical place that we begin to manifest it. (Just like Einstein said, your imagination is a preview of life's coming attractions.) Turns out imagination isn't just about fairies and unicorns! 

So... why not take a minute and give it a try by answering the questions I pose below. See what you come up with and ask yourself, "do I want these answers to be my truth?" If you answer yes then welcome to your new life! It's my hope that things will unravel in all the best ways from this point onwards. And if you need support in the unravel, I'm here for it: donna@unleashyourlegacy.com.

If nothing was holding you back and you could be your full self...

👉 What would be different?

👉 How would you feel?

👉 What actions would you be taking?

👉 What would your life look and feel like?

​If you want to understand this even more, watch this 10m video and really take in what it's saying... (watch it twice! It’s that good!)

AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF LOVE

We hear so much about the need for “self-love” that it's become a catch phrase - a throw-all for every single issue or problem we encounter in life. The truth is, IT IS a salve for every issue but it’s not as simple as taking a long bath or eating well. Those actions are more like a delicious side to our plate of self love - they happen more effortlessly after we're full of it and feelin' it.

So how do we get to that full plate in the first place?

I believe there's two potent ways to gather up self love but before we go there, I want to ensure you know that self-love isn't instant. Don't believe any techniques that claim to make it happen right away or effortlessly. That's not how our psyche works and the heart may need time to open fully. So if you've tried a promised technique previously and it hasn't worked, you didn't fail ok? It's that that technique wasn't advertised properly or fairly.

So... want a full plate of self love? Here's where to begin:

1. Allow all parts of yourself to be seen and heard.

This means that all the "ugly" and the "sad" and the "angry" feelings deserve a place in your life. You’ll need to abandon any beliefs you might've acquired about the feelings you have being "too much." When we deny feelings, we are denying a part of ourself… and that's a surefire why to feel ashamed of that part (cue the need for self love!)

When we're working towards self love, we want to demonstrate love to all parts, even the parts of you that you wish weren’t there. I like to recommend talking to those parts as if they're a small child so you learn to welcome every single aspect of yourself. It might sound a little somethin' like this:

"Hey... I see you. You're ok. We're ok. I know you're feeling _______ and that's ok. You know what? Let's spend some time with that feeling together. Tell me more about that feeling...." and then listen in. Listen in, in the same way you would for someone you truly care about ok? Because you too, are worthy of true love and this practice is the beginning of giving it to yourself, from yourself. Once you're done listening, take a moment to actually hug that side of yourself in closer and say "I love you." It's ok if it feels silly... try to mean it anyways.

2. Affirmations for self love.

Our minds are P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L so rewiring where needed can take work but also, has a huge transformational affect. Our neuropathways are formed from repetitive thought and if that repetitive thought is charged with self love, we are guaranteed to start feeling it too. The big secret? You've got to try to feel it when you repeat the affirmations for self love.

The most powerful affirmations for self love tend to be based on your biggest wounds. (what the heck?!) What I mean by that is this: whatever story you have running the show is based on past, yucko experiences and that created a wound within you that has you feel/say things like "I'm not worthy" or "I'm broken" or "I'm unlovable". An affirmation for self love should speak directly to this part to soothe the yucko feeling. Here are some examples:

"I am worthy"

"I am whole"

"I am loved"

"I am trustworthy"

"I respect myself"

"I am capable"

Go ahead and try writing some of these affirmations for self love out and then repeat them to yourself out-loud. As you repeat, really try to believe it. With time, and repetition, things will shift. It takes work but this work is so worth it. And you know what? As you form your affirmations if you need help or have questions, reach out to me: donna@unleashyourlegacy.com. I'm happy to support you.

May your journey be filled with self love!

HOW TO ACHIEVE THE GOALS

Ok ok what I'm about to say may not sound ground breaking, but it is - IF YOU FOLLOW THROUGH:

Achievement of your goals lies in taking action.

There's literally no other way.

It's no secret is it? To get 'fit', we can't just buy the gym membership. We actually have to go to the gym, work-out and eat healthy to boot. We can dream all we want (and it's an essential part of goal setting), but action is what creates the shift towards accomplishment.

Hold on a second though - did you feel a twinge of overwhelm settle in right there?

Did it just get a little clearer that you - no one else - is in charge of your own dreams?

I'm serious about this 'hold on' stuff because that's what often happens - we hold on, we think, we overthink, and then we freeze. Can we agree to try something new this round?

Have you ever heard of the power of small, daily steps? This consistent nurturing of our goal is what'll push it (and us) towards a new reality. But daily steps start with a first step... let's get you there first shall we?

Take a moment (this one right here), to think about your why:

'Why do I want to accomplish this goal? What will it feel like? What positive outcomes are waiting?"

(If you haven't read my previous post on goals, you'll want to here - it explains how to get to the feeling part of this).

Once you're in touch with your why and you can feel the effect of the positive outcomes, you've lit your inner fire. (This fire may need to be stoked over and over again so feel free to come back to your why whenever you need to.) With this fire lit, take your first step. When?

Now.

Taking action opens up momentum y’all!

Don't wait till tomorrow - there's thousands of tomorrow's and if you're reading this, you've likely used many of them up already.

Take your first step now.

It doesn't have to be big but it does have to happen.

Return to your work from my previous post on How To Set The Goals and remind yourself of your next action steps.

If you feel overwhelmed by looking at your action steps, break them down into smaller, daily steps.

There's no need to burn out working towards our goals but there IS a need to continue working towards them.

(And please, don't be afraid to re-start.)

Being in alignment with what you want is all the real life, superhero feels. It’s literally the best feeling ever and my little one is here to demonstrate the inner strength that comes right along with that.

If you find you need help overcoming inertia or overwhelm, I'd love to support you. Sometimes, in order to move forward we need to break down the fears that are holding us hostage and to do that well, support is essential. You can reach me at donna@unleashyourlegacy.com

HOW TO SET THE GOALS

AND WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL WITH GOALS ANYWAYS?

Goals reflect our desires but also, have the incredible ability to change our lives. Goals are something many of us consider useful but at the same time, frightening. Why is it that we want to set them and yet, completely avoid them?!

Oh honey.

You're not the only one to set a goal only to 'fail'. This is a common problem and it's why the life coaching industry has basically exploded in recent years.

There's a few key reasons we 'fail' at goals but the main one is that we're not setting them correctly.

I could write SO MUCH about this but let's keep it short because if you're anything like me, when you're scrolling the Internet you want fast answers. So, with speed of understanding in mind, here's the lowdown on exactly

HOW TO SET THE GOALS:

1. Imagine.

Before you can set any goal, you need to know what it is that you truly want. This begins with your imagination and it's a powerful tool - maybe more than you've realized?

Your imagination allows you to envision what you truly want but it doesn't stop there. When you're diving in deeply, imagination allows you feel the effects of your dreams. THIS is what makes imagination powerful. It's able to provide a quantum leap into the future so you can begin to embody and feel what you truly want. This makes it real for a moment and that moment is key. It's what will light a fire inside so you can begin the goal setting process but equally as important, so you can carry yourself straight towards your completed goal. Check!

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution." Einstein

2. Break It Down Baby!

In the imagination stage, we can "go big" and some of these things may currently feel a little (a lot?) out of reach. To avoid any overwhelm and in turn, a total halt of motion, we need to break our goals down. I like to recommend a little process like this:

• What are your 3 main goals in life right now? Write them out.

(These are the bigger ones like owning a home, embracing yourself fully, running your own successful business, or finding a life partner.)

• With your 3 main goals in mind, create smaller action steps towards them.

(Is it saving money and if so, how? Is it looking into a course that'll support your growing business? Is it talking to a mortgage broker to see where you're currently at and what needs to be done first? Is it finding a life coach to show you new ways of being with yourself?)

• Create a timeline.

Why oh why a timeline?! It's likely you'll need something to hold you accountable or procrastination can get in the way. Did you know that a high percentage of the time we choose short-term comfort over long term goals? This means that on the day to day, we're likely to stay under that warm blanket instead of taking an action step towards our bigger goals (well that explains all the lost NY resolutions!) So... give yourself a deadline to work towards.

• What daily habits don't fit within your action steps?

Take a look at your daily habits and if Instagramming for more than an hour a day isn't fitting into the bigger picture, it might be time to set a boundary for yourself so you can focus on what's really important to you. This isn’t about judgement - this is about discernment.

3. Find an accountability partner.

I know, I know. Goals are deeply personal and because of this we often keep them to ourselves.

But here's the deal: we're not meant to succeed at this stuff alone and science has proven that sharing goals out loud makes a huge difference.

Sharing your goals helps you gain clarity and speaking it out loud makes it real. It's basically the difference between "I can secretly fail and no one will know" vs. "I'm putting a lot of energy towards this so I've got nothing to hide - it's going to be a life shift!"

So, tell someone other than yourself what your goals and action steps are and ask them to check in with you on them. (You can do the same for them!) Accountability is key!

If you really want to create a shift, share your goals with a mentor or teacher (someone you look up to). This keeps you more motivated simply because you likely care what this person thinks of you.

It's important you choose the right accountability partner too. You want someone who's supportive, and yet, non-shaming if you miss a step. If you find your accountability partner isn't holding you accountable, or, you're not motivated to keep your goals - it might be time to look into getting a professional by your side. They can help you decipher why you're getting stuck and what's underneath the inertia. Pssst... it's often a subconscious fear of some kind.

If you'd like to explore this How To Set The Goals process more, I’d love to support you. Reach out to me here: donna@unleashyourlegacy.com and let's discover what's tripped you up and the magic that's available once you start walking again.

It’s totally possible for you to feel as powerful as my kiddo does here (thinking she controls the elevator doors at Grandma’s place - of course).

Your sparkle awaits…!

Be sure to read my follow up post to this “How To Achieve The Goals” here!

Spirit Vs. Soul: Is there a difference?

Spirit vs. soul…

What’s the difference? (Is there a difference?!) Can we use these two words interchangeably?

I want to begin by talking about our Heart because I believe it’s where;

spirit vs. soul

becomes

spirit and soul.

There are many traditions that suggest our Heart is where The Divine and our humanity come together. (Yes, some traditions say that The Divine comes in through the crown, but they also say the Heart is where spirit and body unite.) But what is your Heart anyways (beyond that beating, life holding organ inside your chest…)?

your Heart is the centre of you.

It’s your personality and where your deep knowing is. Your Heart holds your feelings, your Truth and the last thing I want anyone to do is ascend those precious, oh-so-sacred things… (although ascending into your feelings, your Truth and your Heart is a Divine Feminine experience that is often overlooked by many spiritual traditions).

*** A pause for clarity: when I say feminine, I don’t mean gender. Masculine does not equate with male nor does feminine equate with female… although it can, it doesn’t have to. ***

Our Western, patriarchal culture has overlooked the power of the Divine Feminine in many ways and this has created an immense imbalance in the way our world is functioning (errr… not functioning might be more like it). This imbalance also shows up in the way we hide our ‘dark and messy’ selves (think Instagram pics vs. real life), the way our human desires can be referred to as “sins”, the way some spiritual traditions suggest we need to ascend the human experience (emotions, feelings and thoughts), and even in the way we have disconnected from the Earth herself (pollution, over consumerism, general disrespect). To summarize, overlooking the Divine Feminine shows up everywhere - even in the way we connect with The Divine.

(For the record, God is not ‘male’ and one expression of gender, is not more god-like than another.)

Our deepest drives are distorted by an internal censor. Whether this is a bearded man on a cloud or a vague sense of guilt will depend on your individual programming. Face up to it. Even if you are enlightened enough to be nodding along with what I am saying, you still have fetters on your freedom that have not yet been struck. 

- Peter Grey, The Red Goddess

Of course we feel these effects. We are living and breathing them.

Just as the quote above suggests, these beliefs, whether quiet or loud, has most of us trying to ascend into ‘higher realms’ (ex: looking to ‘heaven’ or not feeling our feelings instead of diving deep within ourselves).

As long as we grab at our divinity and push away our humanity we aren’t free. If you want to be free, you can’t push away anything. You have to embrace it all. It’s all God.

- Ram Dass

This is often referred to as spiritual bypassing, which is when only ‘the good’ and ‘the light’ are acknowledged and everything else is skimmed over by saying things like “it’s all love man!”

The tricky part is that it is all love, but this process of by-passing the dark, doesn’t exactly bring someone into a state of Love… and that’s the sweet spot.

The problem is too many people in our culture try to skip over this step [incarnating the soul] and go straight up to spirit. Overspiritualization is a real danger.” 

- Marion Woodman

Spiritual bypassing has us ignoring half of our feelings, and in turn, ignoring the Truth that is hidden within them. Spiritual bypassing has most of us ignoring the divinely feminine way which isn’t about ascending this human experience, it’s about connecting.

Connecting.

Ahhh… now that’s where I can exhale.

The feminine principle attempts to relate. Instead of breaking things off into parts, it says, Where are we alike? How can we connect? Where is the love?”

- Marion Woodman

So… spirit vs. soul - what gives?

For me, and as it turns out a few others too, the word soul feels like spirituality embodied - like a human experience.

And spirit feels like enlightenment - a practice of transcending earthliness.

Soul feels like wild-hair-in-the-wind feminine and spirit feels more like non-attached, yet chiseled, masculine.

Soul, to me, means “embodied essence,” when we experience ourselves and others in full humanity - part animal, part divine. Healing comes through embodiment of the soul. The soul in matter is what I think the feminine side of God is all about . . . The feminine soul is what grounds us; it loves and accepts us in our totality.

- Marion Woodman

When I use the term feminine soul, I’m referring to a woman’s inner repository of the Divine Feminine, her deep source, her natural instinct, guiding wisdom, and power. It is everything that keeps a woman powerful and grounded in herself, complete in herself, belonging to herself, and yet connected to all that is. Connection to this inner reality is a woman’s most priceless experience. 

- Sue Monk Kidd, Dance of the Dissident Daughter

I like to use the word ‘soul’ most often in this work for a reason! You see, the misbalance of Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine in our culture has most of us leaning towards hiding half of ourselves - the half that regenerates in the soil and in the dark. The side of us that can’t be contained by rules or traditions or ‘should’s’. There’s something much more wild and free within us that feels the way forward and speaks our Truth. This side can’t be denied any longer as much as the Earth herself can’t be ignored any longer.

I like to think of this process like a bouncy ball. You know those superb bouncy balls that fit in the palm of a child’s hand? Those. They actively bounce up and down repeatedly…  until they land.

D

O

W

N 

on the Earth.

I believe that’s exactly what we’re here to do: to experience the lightness of spirit, and then dive into the depths of our soul. The dive has an impact. It’s enough to propel us upwards again until the space between is less and less… and we land in a place where we learn to balance both spirit and soul, Heaven and Earth.

That place is our Heart. 

WHAT IS ENERGY HEALING?

Performing Energy Healing via crystals and Reiki.

What is Energy Healing?

Energy Healing is roughly speaking, a method of feeling better physically or emotionally (or both) based on the idea of taking care of one’s "spiritual hygiene."

There are different approaches through different traditions, but overall, it uses cleansing work, balancing practices and powerful intention that work with the ethereal (spirits, vibrations and subtle energy). Just like yoga and meditation, energy healing isn't new – it’s jut that we’re seeing a return of all things mystical. It seems consumerism can only take us so far and as a society, we’re beginning to crave depth.

(Can I get a YES to that?!)

Reiki is known as one of the main ways to practice energy healing. It’s a holistic, Japanese technique that works as support to the body and all it’s systems. Reiki re-establishes a healthy energy flow throughout working on the body, mind and emotions. It can even tap into past life patterning that’s carried forward into this life.

Dis-ease always begins in our energy field so when we keep our energy body healthy with energy healing techniques, and our physical body healthy with good nutrition and exercise, we're able to remain at our best. 

It’s sorta like a deep "meditation delivered with the hand" as Pamela Miles, author of “Reiki: A Comprehensive Guide” puts it, and although more official research is needed (but not really… if you've tried it, you know), studies are beginning to show that Reiki can shift us out of the sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight or freeze) and into the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest).

Mmm… yes please!

It’s important to know that a Reiki practitioner does not use their own energy for the energy healing (thank goodness - that’d be weird wouldn’t it?). They channel Universal energy through their body and out through their hands. They are simply a vehicle by which this energy moves - a river bed for the river the flow, if you will. This does bring out an important point:

In order to be a reputable energy healer, one must be doing their personal work.

What’s personal work you say? They should have a daily practice of things that bring them back to their centre. Practices such as meditation, journaling, exercise and overall care for their own well being that supports health, focus, loving-kindness and empathy.

In the field of energy healing work, this allows ki (life force) to flow through a cleaner, clearer channel (remember, the practitioner is the channel).

When you’re seeking a Reiki practitioner - or an energy healer of any kind - it’s key to check their training background as there’s no agreed upon standards in the energy healing industry. This definitely makes the industry diverse and allows for healers of all kinds to explore techniques that come naturally to them. However, it can also be a bit of a free-for-all.

Do your research on any healer you’re considering; What’s their resume like? How long have they practiced? Do they practice daily? Do they have testimonials? Are they doing their personal work to remain as clear a channel as possible? What personal work are they doing and do you resonate with it? And overall, do you like their vibe?

The Full Story

I WAS RAISED ALONGSIDE NATURE;

A vast cornfield beside and a forest with a pond full of turtles and fish behind. At a young age I repetitively spent time away from civilization with my Father.

FOR WEEKS, WE CANOED OUR WAY TO A DEEP UNDERSTANDING OF STILLNESS, WHOLENESS AND A CONNECTION TO ALL-THAT-IS.

This nature time created an intimate relationship to Spirit as I watched my Father worship the Earth - I can still remember his mouth agape with awe each time we moved through the woods. The reverence and wonder was contagious and I adopted a heartfelt appreciation for Mama Earth and all the ways she invites deep listening.

THIS TAUGHT ME TO WITNESS AND NAVIGATE MY THOUGHT PROCESSES IN A WAY I WOULD ONE DAY RETURN TO THRU MEDITATIVE PRACTICES.

I was raised with a religious upbringing, and as a child I consistently pushed the boundaries put in place to keep me in ‘God’s good books.’ I couldn’t understand why I had to change who I was to receive God’s love so I began to obsessively battle between what I was told was “right” against “what feels right.”

THIS UNLEASHED A WILDNESS IN ME AS I CHASED THE FREEDOM TO FOLLOW MY HEART.

I also grew up as the youngest of 4 siblings in age, but not in spirit. My brother has down syndrome and as the youngest sibling I struggled to find one on one time with my Mother. Her devotion to supporting his special needs was immense, beautiful, and also, overwhelming for all.

I DEVELOPED A FIERCE INDEPENDENCE WHICH WAS AT TIMES A CURSE AND AT OTHERS, A BLESSING.

When I was 18, I was initiated into the field of energy work (thought to be “new age” by my family so I kept it a secret) with a Reiki 1 & 2 attunement. The initiation was powerful and had me asking some big questions. Answers would arrive years later and until then, I stumbled into the world of drugs, alcohol and University. My life was either about being shamed for who I was and what I was doing, or about pushing that shame away by doing more of it. I had no idea how to separate from the inner shaming I was programmed with, or from the system that created it. I tried a number of paths including art and physical exercise, all the while battling a constant shame for not following a religious path.

I BECAME A HUNTRESS SEARCHING FOR MY TRUTH.

Which path was mine to follow? Where did I fit in?

In religious circles I felt suppressed.

Partying left me feeling terrible although it did provide reprieve from feeling lonely and different.

Studying Fine Art provided some relief to my relentless inner battle and I exploded onto the scene dedicated to being unconventional and expressing what felt unsaid.

Physical exercise reminded me of my childhood - grounding into my body and into the Earth.

Through this adventurous time I was pulled home each night because of my dog Brooklyn. He was my lifeline and the reason I returned. One sunny afternoon he had a run-in with a much bigger dog. He limped over to me and I instinctually placed my hands on him as he laid at my feet. The forgotten energy of my Reiki attunements surged through my hands and into his body. Moments later he stood up, shook, and ran off to play.

THE ENERGY WAS IMMENSE AND INVITED A DEEP REMEMBERING OF A NEW WAY FORWARD.

Life continued similarly beyond graduation and into my first few jobs. Yes, I had a glimpse of healing, but I needed the right people to take me deeper. I placed a job in advertising and my partying ways fit in well there. I remember waking up feeling relieved when I was hungover because the physical pain felt better than feeling lost.

I had no experience in the advertising industry so I worked hard to reinvent myself. I ended up working in senior roles on two of the largest marketing accounts in Canada. Amidst these roles I found yoga. It was offered at the office and seemed the only way to fit in a workout… which I felt I needed for a ‘nice butt.’ I also knew I relied on movement for stress release and I needed that in my around-the-clock job.

YOGA WAS AN INVITATION TO TRANSFORM AND I FINALLY SAID YES.

After years of practice in yoga and meditation, I joined an immersion program for depth studies in Anusara yoga, followed by my first, second and third yoga teacher training programs.

IN 2005, DEATH WOKE ME UP, SUDDENLY AND PAINFULLY.

I was 25 when my Father passed; old enough to process death spiritually and young enough to be shocked by mortality - including my own. Two months later, my dear Grandmother passed as well.

I spent the following year in turmoil; grieving and deeply fearing my own sudden death. I moved three times and lived with all the wrong people including an alcoholic which revealed what I did not want to become. I worked myself sick, chose partners that didn’t respect me and had little connection to Spirit (“fuck God - he took my Daddy!”). I developed a heart palpitation which I believed was inherited and I convinced myself I would die any minute.

I BEGAN TO MAKE CHOICES FROM MY IMMINENT DEATHBED, AND UNKNOWINGLY FAST-TRACKED TOWARD MY SOUL PATH.

I had little idea of what my personal dreams were but I did know however, that I wanted to leave what I felt to be a “soul sucking” advertising industry. My resume looked great but each time I asked questions from my imminent deathbed, I knew my soul wasn’t fulfilled.

Each time I ignored my Truth and my Heart’s messages, the skipped beats would have me dizzy and panicked.

I SURRENDERED AND ENTERED INTO A DEEP STATE OF DAILY PRAYER - A PRACTICE THAT WOULD CONTINUE.

The Universe had a path for me and I was being asked (rather abruptly) to follow.

I LEFT MY CAREER.

It was a stable and fruitful career of 10+ years in the advertising industry and I left to teach yoga. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done, but definitely not the easiest. Some people (myself included) considered it a risky move – something out of the ordinary.

I FOLLOWED MY HEART.

That Heart feeling fed my Soul and created a domino effect of life changes in me and the people around me. I received countless emails and Facebook messages from colleagues who were inspired to listen to a deeper calling.

Things were changing for the better, so I kept listening.

I DOVE INTO STUDIES OF ENERGY WORK AND FOUND MY HEIGHTENED INTUITION A PROFOUND GIFT.

Via Reiki, I found my new teacher in Savannah Georgia and I received my Reiki Masters as well as a Masters in Seichim Energy. Once back in Toronto, I studied my Masters again (I wanted more!). Following that, I was gifted the first set of the Munay-ki rites and was nudged by Spirit, to offer Reiki courses.

Amidst these Reiki offerings, I began to offer yoga retreats, workshops and even make free yoga videos with a beloved friend - all for the love of the practice. We began to build an online business sharing our personal and detailed discoveries within the practice. We were obsessed with knowledge, curious about possibility, and dedicated to depth.

AND THEN I WAS PREGNANT.

This brought up a number of emotions in me, mostly fear and a knowing that the timing just wasn’t right. I knew I wasn’t ready as my current sole/soul focus was on building my career.

THROUGH A PERSONAL RITUAL I INVITED MY OWN MISCARRIAGE, AND AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING TO EXACTLY THAT.

Both my soul and my baby’s soul made an agreement during that ritual. At the time I wasn’t sure what that agreement was, but I knew it was right, albeit sad. It was through this meaningful and painful journey of miscarriage that I found my love and reverence for the power of ritual.

It became clear that the fear I felt when I was pregnant was my lack of knowledge about birth. I knew I wanted to be a Mother one day, so I dove into birth studies and became a DONA trained birth doula, passionate about empowering women through the process.

I OBSESSIVELY STUDIED PREGNANCY, MISCARRIAGE, BIRTH AND MOTHERHOOD FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE AND BEGAN TO COACH WOMEN FROM THIS VIEWPOINT.

As I continued my studies on spirituality, I discovered a number of books and teachers relating Jesus’s original words with my current practices of yoga, meditation and breathwork.

I WAS ECSTATIC TO ACCEPT THAT MY SPIRITUAL PRACTICES WERE NOT IN FACT SHAMEFUL TO MY RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING, BUT INSTEAD, VITAL FOR MY CONNECTION TO SPIRIT.

Finally, the shame I held for not following my deceased Father’s and Grandmother’s desire’s for me to attend church and follow a religious lifestyle dissolved. I felt blissfully connected to my late Father and to Spirit.

At this time my Grandfather turned 96 and until his passing at age 98, I’d visit him to ask his thoughts on life and death. I created a website with our conversations (with his permission), and shared intimate discussions on fear, faith and aging. We met on middle ground - his religious beliefs and my spiritual understanding of them. His desire for me to attend church was now received as love - I no longer felt the shame I grew up with. I loved him fully and was elated to finally understand him.

I WAS ALSO CAPTIVATED WITH DEATH AND DYING.

What started as a curse, has become a blessing. Daily, I feel that death is right next door and it acts as a constant reminder to fully live this life. It was this feeling that had me travel for 2+ years to the U.S. for a Priestess mystery school that focused on women's empowerment. I can't tell you much about that (I have to hold the mystery!) but I can tell you that we worked with archetypes, the elements and held ancient ceremonies and rituals, often inspired by Shamanism.

I WAS CONFRONTING MY FEARS IN A WHOLE NEW WAY.

With this experience I began my own mystery school called Seers Way, held in partnership with a dear friend. We facilitated groups through deep immersions of transformation work. The weekends were intense but so profound that we’d find our next immersions full with previous participant’s friends.

During those 2 years as a participant in Priestess mystery school, I was in the amazement and agony of my second pregnancy.

INTUITIVELY I KNEW THAT TO PREPARE FOR MY BIRTH, I WANTED TO PREPARE FOR MY DEATH.

This was no small feat and I scoured for teachers, guides, resources and tools. When the time to birth neared, I felt ready. I birthed at home, roaring my daughter into the world with my husband by my side. It was everything I wanted it to be.

AND THEN I BLED.

A lot. I was floating in and out of consciousness when spirit guides began to circle the bed and whisper to me. I felt so relaxed - so incredibly heavy and I wanted to stay in that space. I could hear the midwives too, asking me to respond.

WHEN I REMEMBERED MY BABY I DECIDED TO STAY IN THIS WORLD.

Motherhood shook me to my core as it mimics depth ceremonies from across the globe, however, there was no end to this ceremony. It consistently asks for generosity of oneself and offers a dynamic mini-me reflection to learn and grow with.

I FOUND MYSELF IN AN UNEXPECTED TIMELESS CYCLE OF FASTING, SLEEPLESS NIGHTS & LESSONS FROM SOLITUDE.  

I began to offer women’s circles in partnership with a dear Mother-friend called Matriarch Rising, in support of sisterhood, Motherhood, and women’s work. We invite all ages as we feel this is what community looks like - the blending of the wisdom of elders, children, maidens and Mothers.

As I integrated my miscarriage, my daughter’s birth story, my transition into Motherhood, and my previous experiences with death and dying, death began to feel like something I was called to work with.

I STUDIED PAST LIFE REGRESSION AND WAS BLESSED (AND CHALLENGED) WITH THE ABILITY TO SEE SOUL’S AFTER THEIR PASSING.

I decided that wasn’t how I wanted to work with death, and studied how our culture approaches (well… avoids) death and considered what I’d like to do differently. This study is ongoing with many new angles and paths to discover. (Why is death something our culture for the most part, ignores when it’s one of the few guarantees we get in this life? How can we move towards our own death without fear? How can self-awareness support the dying process? Does medical support prolonging life create more fear of death or more comfort for life? Are our afterlife practices providing enough closure for those left behind? How can we live fully in order to die well?)

AS PART OF MY WORK, I NOW COACH PEOPLE ON PREPARING FOR THEIR OWN PASSING - IMMINENT OR NOT - BECAUSE WE ARE ALL DYING.

No longer out of fear, I purposely make choices from my imminent deathbed and use it as a tool to fully live this precious life.

I am committed to transformation and naturally ignite that in others through connection, deep listening and love.

Oh.. and my intuition helps too.

Interested in heart listening? Want to chat? Share a story? Ask a question? I’m here!

I reside in Toronto (and deep in the woods as often as I can) with my husband and daughter (who by the way, admitted on her own at 2.5 years, that she came back to us).

Climbing Mount Everest

"I think that parenting young children (and old ones too) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb is an impressive accomplishment. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers, “Are you enjoying yourself?! If not, you should be! One day you’ll be sorry you didn’t!” those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

My point is this: I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. 

And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

“It’s helluva hard isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. Carry on, warrior. Six hours ’til bedtime.”

And hopefully every once in awhile I’ll add, “let me pick up that grocery bill for ya sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up. I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”

- Glennon Doyle Melton

Under a Button Nose

Motherhood is... 

Joy in my step and a drag of my right foot from the pain child bearing and child wearing has caused. 

It's presents put in my hand daily - trinkets found along the path we walk together: a bottle cap, a leaf, a stone, another cigarette butt. Some are new and some are old, rusted, falling apart to the point where I can hardly tell what they are - but to her, they are treasures. 

It's letting the dog be your best vacuum. 

It's a table unwiped and a bright red diaper rash covered in clay, coconut oil, lavender and tea tree. 

It's sand moving from her hand to her mouth and me jumping to my feet, limping until they wake up, to stop her.

It's exhaustion - not days of it, but a year of it - eyelids sweating from the work to stay open and when it’s finally time to rest, too much excitement about resting to be able to. 

It's oatmeal crusted on silken soft cheeks, pages of books glued together with dried rice and a million started, yet unfinished conversations. 

It's white noise - everywhere - even in the spaces where silence used to exist. Even at 3am, 4am, 5am and 6. 

It sounds like “no” and “bye bye”, “app-pee” and “wow”. 

It’s fingers pointing to streetlights trying to say “moon” and its a small body, shaking in it’s entirety, at the sound of an airplane flying too low. A tongue fully revealed in the wide open cry, red gums, bleeding fingers, cute toes, and thin hair curled around tiny ears, perfectly packaged under a button nose.
 

I’m floating, alone, ears below the water line
Here my heart sounds like the heartbeat of the earth
Breath lifts, then lowers
Even my mouth is under.

I like it this way.

Bubbles circle where water reveals my body to the air
just like lingerie with holes in all the right places.

I like it this way, too.

I open my mouth and water pours in
I let it fill as much as I can, without swallowing
Breath lifts, then lowers.
Even my eyes are under.

I want more.

I’m floating, only my nose above the water line but,
I get so comfortable a little water silks in there too. 
I let it.

Suspended between breaths -
All encompassing and totally freeing.
Weightless, thoughtless, nothingness -
I remember the first vessel I came here by,

And I think, ‘is this, my little merchild, the reason you cry? Is this my baby, a place you miss?’ 

Inhabited

I had loved before, but never, ever like this.

Heart of my heart and bone of my bone.

Life sustained through the strength of my own body; my insides - inhabited -then outsides - a mouth on my breast, arms tired from holding and hands happily, tenderly stroking.

It turns out it's not playing or pretending that makes me feel like an animal - it's love.

We are, Our Mothers

What if I told you that I let her cry so I could write this.

What if I told you it wasn’t my first time.

What if I told you, I found failure in my nurturing, because I couldn't withstand the crying.

The quickening of my penmanship is the quickening of my heart.

It's also the volume of her cry.

And I wonder, which of these things will touch her,

or hit her,

because something will,

at some point,

into thinking I'm a bad mother.

And I write this because society needs to hear,

and I need to hear,

again,

that there is no perfect mother.

At some point, somewhere,

we need to stop blaming the Mothers.

Because,

we are, our Mothers.

Mothermorphosis

"You’re different!”

“Completely.”

And what I didn’t say out loud is this:

I’m shocked that that shocks you. And I’m not… because I was you. I also had no idea.

I took Motherhood and Mothers for granted. I never understood the amount of work, the hardship, the isolation and the love. I never thought the transformation would be this deep, but when you’re torn open and slapped in the face with a love that’s bigger than you ever thought possible, something is bound to happen. It’s like a slap in the face you give yourself when you’re feeling pretty sleepy and you’re trying to wake up. First a light tap-tap-taping and then it starts to sting and then, only then, do you begin to awaken. It's startling. And hard. Waking up is hard.

But it hurts so good.

1 year ago today I laboured and pushed and bled. I swore, I cried and I breathed. 1 year ago I was birthed a different person. My body shook and the downward force rocked me so hard it felt as if my pelvis was splitting in two. And in a way, it was. I became two.

For awhile I wanted to hold onto what I knew; what I had learned to be true before.

But it was no longer my truth.

I had lists of things I would and wouldn’t do.

I had plans.

I had a vision of myself that I had to let die - a vision of how life would be. In the dying and decay of my previous self, I was born a Mother.

My hair fell out. Not all of it, no, but all the blonde has gone. Motherhood wants me as a brunette. 
Motherhood has me heavier.
Motherhood has me spacier.
Motherhood often has me void of conversation and choosing to be home.

My clothes are different because they have to be. I stand in front of my closet trying to understand how to dress someone I don’t totally know; “Who am I anyways?"

But I’m feeling whole and this wholeness came thru the breaking of birth. The rupture opened the rapture.

So yea... I’m different. I’ve been born again because now, I’ve witnessed real-life magic and now, I see that I AM MAGIC.